Issue #20 Hard Times And Platitudes
Stronger?
“Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
These are two of my less than favorite phrases.
They have this double-edged sword kind of subtext – a pushing and pulling between rationalization and comfort.
A person might trot out these maxims in an attempt to cheer you up – to say “Hey, this thing you’re going through is awful but there will eventually be a bright side.”
Or the intent might be more grounded in the philosophy that there is moral equity in suffering.
Either way, I’ve never found them to be particularly helpful or welcome things to hear when I am going through a hard time.
When life is handing me lemons I don’t always want to make lemonade. Sometimes I want to throw the lemons at a nice solid brick wall and watch them smash into little bits.
And sometimes I want to talk through the hard time I’m having – I need to process it. And I need someone to listen to that processing and really “get” where I am coming from rather than trying to push me forward past my grief before I’m ready.
Which is where this poem came from – an attempt to flip the perspective on the killing/stronger thing. I find sharing it often creates an opening - people feel more comfortable sharing whatever they are dealing with. Maybe it’s the sarcasm.
I also realize that difficult situations can lead to inertia. Sometimes when you don’t get out of bed one day, you can wind up not getting out of bed for several days. Or all the days.
Striking a balance between taking the time you need to heal and just treading water can be hard to navigate.
So maybe someone does need to occasionally remind us that life goes on whether we are participating or not.
I don’t know.
It’s tricky.
I started my “Conversations With The Infinite” as a way to have something sort of biting and funny to say to a friend who was given a terrible terminal diagnosis. Maybe my dark humor was not the right way to go.
I hope it was.
I do know the platitude approach wasn’t working for either of us.
My hope with all my writing is that, if you know someone who is struggling, and you don’t know what to say to them, you can pull out one of these poems and, for at least three seconds, change their mood for the better.
I did a quick draw video of this one – you can see it by clicking here.
If music is more the thing that makes you feel better, you can listen to one of my original – and slightly wild – tunes by clicking here.
Copyright© 2023 Anne Morse Hambrock All rights reserved.
Going To Seed
On a lighter note, for many years now when our lettuce bolts, instead of yanking it, we let it go to seed. Often this gives us a nice crop of new lettuce the following year.
That sounds so practical, doesn’t it?
I’m afraid that’s not how it started. It was more a result of neglect and an experiment in Montessori parenting. I wrote about it years ago here.
Apologies to my daughter who was only about 11 at the time and is now an avid - and very on-the-ball - gardener.
Keep The Messages Coming!
A big “thank you” to all of you who have messaged me commented or hit “like” after reading my poems and commentary!
I appreciate the feedback and knowing how often I have struck a chord with your lives.
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